Bright and Early today I read my chapter while walking on the treadmill (which by the way I AM SO grateful to Ave Maria Press for making this a small sized book!!), and then out into the yard for the Rosary. I walk a path around the parameter of my yard, because I live on a fork in the road, it have lots of pavement and just one patch of grass along the back of your home (which is totally stressing out my husband #wearingapath - even though I try to vary where I walk).
The walking and praying works best for me because I am so easily distracted inside - phone, tv, dishes, kids, the PILES of work that surround me!! Outside, I forget it all and just walk - and talk and of course listen. The Rosary provides this hum in my head that clears the way for God to speak.
Day Two: The Knot of Separation
Today my mind was drawn in a few directions - mostly to friendships forged in faith that ended far too soon - the reasons moot to the eventual outcome. It has been many years but they still enter my thoughts and prayers often, I don't seek reconciliation, part of wisdom is knowing when the season for something has come to an end. However, the pain of the separation and the what ifs sometimes still prevails in my thoughts. It has brought me to a place of praying for them in earnest not to change, as I first did, but for them to be truly blessed - a practice that has brought me much peace and healing.
The other surprise reflection came when the Spirit revealed that I am not as close to God as I wish because of my own fears and doubts. I separate myself in sin, of course, but beyond the things that I do, are the things I don't do. The preoccupation with what could happen and the fear that paralyzes me some days. The lack of trust that God is love and all that comes from Him is ordered to love - that regardless of the circumstances, HE WILL bring good and I truly have nothing to fear.
As I pondered this my Rosary ended and that is usually when I walk into the house, I had even concluded the final prayer almost at the door but yet, I felt a nudge to go for one more circuit. As I rounded the yard to begin another loop, a car passed with the license plate, "KNOT 5" ... honestly, I can't make this stuff up! IT instantly brought me great dread and fear - already battling a panic attack for the day this WAS not helping! Was it a message ... I mean come on - I've been walking this loop now for 2 months and first I've seen that plate!!
I came in an picked up the book I am using for my 9-day novena, Our Lady, Undoer of Knots: A Living Novena, and looked at Day 5. Secretly hoping it was the Knot of Financial Woes - instead it was Grief and Loss. Lord, sweetheart, THAT IS NOT going to help me feel less anxious or more secure in our relationship!
As I sat looking at the words and praying for insight (I keep my Guardian Angel super busy) - my eyes feel on the questions for that day, "Does this loss elicit fears in you? What are they?" and then a gentle reminder - Grief isn't always about the death of a person.
Much to think about today .... how about you? Do you have a knot your need Our Blessed Mother to untie?