Last Sunday felt like my personal Pentecost with an explosion of inspirations filling my little head and heart in Mass - and the hours following.
We arrived early, a miracle in itself providing me time to pray before Mass. Although I consider it an incredible privilege to interpret the Mass for Faith, I do miss the deep spiritual experience that sometimes come during those moments when I can reflect during the Liturgy.
My prayers began with my whining to God about the experience that morning of getting dressed. It had been another tortuous occasions when I realized I hated every piece of clothing I owed! An overstatement maybe but the conclusion of that deep dislike rooted in my realizing every piece had been purchased to hide something I hated about my body and not to accentuate anything I liked. Though, arguably that morning, I would probably have been hard pressed to find that positive attribute to accentuate!
My mind wandered from that pity party to the many prayer requests for friends, family, and even strangers in various health crisis and the struggles within each. I found myself once again back to me - begging God to (selfishly) protect me and my family from similar challenges - and that is when it all started to unfold... my food, weight and body image in relation to my relationship with God and my desire to be with Him (forever) in Heaven.
I AM still unpacking most of it...and I will go into each with a deeper reflection soon, but here is what I am contemplating presently:
Much more to come... how has your month been? Have you tried keeping a journal? Being mindful of what you are eating or not eating, and the emotions present? I know I am still at the questions stage - but it took 40+ years to get to this point, and although I have thought I've found the elixir along the way to 'cure' me I am realizing it is much much more than that. Thank you for journeying along side.. You are in my prayers.