What Was I So Afraid of
What Changed My Mind
What Were my Options
I felt like I had 2 options –YES options. One, I could lie. Then start back my confession with, “I lied one time just now to you,” or I could go the more sensible route, own up to the fact I have a very recognizable voice (I refuse to believe those screens don’t actually hide my identity), and get on with it. However, that is not what happened. After I admitted to being the new middle school youth leader, he went into a 10 minute soliloquy on all fun and exiting ideas he had for us to explore. I finally got up the courage to interrupt and ask if we could return to the confession. He readily agreed and I continued with my list. [In case you are curious, yes a real list. I am a list person and often bring it into the confessional with me.]
Now I have been in the confessional for a good 15-20 minutes. I thanked Father for his time, reached for the door, opened the door, made eye contact with some of the now 10 or so people waiting and I hear, “Oh wait, One more thing!” WHAT, WAIT… WHAT?? Is he really calling me back in — to confession? Unsure what to do, I sheepishly smiled at the waiting people, closed the door and knelt back down. I am FAIRLY sure half of those people waiting bolted for the door; I mean really WHO GETS called back into confession! Why take a chance at being the next called back in. The other half may have added to their confession, “and I judged, one time, that lady that just got recalled into the confessional!!”
It is Just a Conversation
I knelt to recite my penance and burst into laughter. Anyone looking at me from behind could have easily confused my attempts to muffle my giggles as full-on sobs. After composing myself, I looked up at Jesus on the cross. I was overcome with a new understanding of the many gifts the Sacrament of Reconciliation is. First, my time in Reconciliation truly is an encounter with Christ, it is nothing to fear, as it is a conversation with him. In addition, I also noted that Jesus obviously has an incredible sense of humor! Perhaps, my fear arose from my awareness that I had disappointed Christ. Of course, I wanted to avoid going to confession; who likes to admit they wronged someone especially to that person. There was no denying however the more I went, the closer to Christ I grew.
After this amazing albeit humorous encounter in confession, I was no longer a confession chicken. I also no longer see going as a chore to be feared but instead as the gift it truly is!
All Rights Reserved, Allison Gingras 2017