Fearfully and Wonderfully Made
You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
~ Psalm 139:13-14
Even after school, there was a part of me that never felt like everyone else. As a working adult I often missed my deadlines and became the Queen of Excuses. Even today, my inability to always properly prioritize leaves me behind on my to-do list. This frustrating ‘chasing my tail’ behavior often left me feeling inadequate and even stupid. My friends seemed to have their acts together. They could balance motherhood, housework, paying bills, and having healthy meals on the table every day. I could barely manage to keep us in clean clothes, without shopping for new ones every week.
Important things slipped through the cracks or more often were buried under my piles. One Thanksgiving, early in our marriage, my husband and I sat down to watch the Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade. Disappointingly, we discovered the cable was out. Hours later when it was time to watch football, the cable had still not been restored. After our guests left, I called the cable company only to learn it had been turned off due to a failure of payment. The unopened VERY RED bill was at the bottom of a mountain of mail upon my desk.
Here is the beauty of who I am. I am exactly who I am meant to be. While paying bills and cleaning house are not my strong suit; being creative, making people laugh, and bringing people together are. Instead of spending energy trying to overcome my shortcomings, I surround myself with people who balance my shortcomings and I spend time fostering my strengths instead. God does not make mistakes. I therefore am not a mistake. We are part of an interdependent race, if I could do all things who would I need? In His infinite wisdom, the Creator of the Universe has made me complex and marvelous! Who am I to argue with God?
The Thorn that Never Goes Away
Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, “My grace is all you need.
My power works best in weakness.”
So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.
~ 2 Cor 12:8-9
How often I have begged God to remove the symptoms associated with my ADHD. In some ways, He has answered this prayer by allowing me to learn coping mechanisms for my struggles with social communication and executive functioning but in many other ways the thorn remains. My co-existing (or co-morbid) condition of anxiety helps me to learn to trust God in all circumstances. The mistakes and missteps caused by my lack of focus or impulsivity teaches me humility; and in most cases, helps to teach some else patience. My greatest weakness has become my greatest strength because it reminds me everyday I can do nothing apart from the grace of God!
In Really Good Company
As the men watched, Jesus’ appearance was transformed so that his face shone like the sun, and his clothes became as white as light. Suddenly, Moses and Elijah appeared and began talking with Jesus.
Peter exclaimed, “Lord, it’s wonderful for us to be here! If you want, I’ll make three shelters as memorials —one for you, one for Moses, and one for Elijah.” ~ Mt 17:2-4
The ADHD mind, well at least mind, is constantly floating new and exciting ideas in it. Every experience appears an to hold an opportunity ready to be turned into something bigger or better. My notebooks filled with ways I want to share the faith, be a better mother, lose weight, and pinch pennies. Most of these jotted down with great excitement on the heels of an amazing experience, aware few of those ideas will ever see the light of day. How often, like Peter, I have blurted out the first thing that came to my mind when in stimulating or exciting situations, without spending any time considering the details. Understandably, they are not always received with the same excitement or enthusiasm, even causing embarrassing misunderstandings..
Like Peter, when I learn to properly direct my enthusiasm, I can do remarkable things for the Kingdom of God. The positive of ADHD is an abundance of creativity and energy to execute those ideas. And, I am clearly in very good company.
All rights reserved, Allison Gingras 2017