The older I get the more I have come to realize how I want to be seen in this world, and who I really am, are vastly different.  This past week has made that more apparent that ever.  As I strive to be a light illuminating a way to Christ; I find that I spend more time shining that light on myself. I am hyper-focused on myself, usually in very self-absorbed moments of anxiety; although I want my faith to be so powerful that nothing can shake it that is not often the case.  I repeat the words from Mark’s gospel, “Lord, I believe, help my unbelief,” more often than I can count.  It is perplexing that someone with so much faith, as to give their entire life to sharing the love and hope of God; can yet be this full of worry and fear?  It is hard to be a light to all nations; when you are hogging the light all for your own needs.

What Is My Greatest Fear? 

Dying.  I’m probably not alone in that.  Some of it is a fear of what is to come; but mostly it is what I will leave behind.  Social Media has certainly NOT helped my anxiety issues – with every cancer story or other sickness prayer request – comes an interior struggle not to become obsessed with the possibility of being next to succumb to that illness.  The selfishness and arrogance that I recognize in this battle truly embarrasses me.  This week was one of the many times when a minor health issue -fairly sure I over taxed my body with steroids and vitamin A&D from hand lotions. **FYI** there are good reasons for dosage and usage information on medications. These symptoms sent me spinning into full blown panic attacks; and kicked off a barrage of inward ‘all about me‘ prayers that often accompany these episodes.

This morning in Mass, as Ben’s song was wafting through my thoughts, I had the most interesting inspiration.  How good the demons are at keeping me from being that light God calls me to be.  They don’t need to do much; I am all too easily nudged into these spirals which keep me very well occupied for most of the day (week, month, etc). It is hard to control my mind not to think the worse; because the worse happens! Why would I be spared when others are not; there are so many stories of people fine one day and gone soon after.  **For this reflection – I will not go into why this should not frighten me especially when there is great peace in contemplating that death brings me to Christ, and therefore is a reward and not a punishment.   However, the fear is not necessarily where I am going; but what I will leave behind.  One strange pang or ache … and my anxieties are off and running!

The Fear is Real but the HOPE God offers is way MORE REAL …

Anxiety is an illness; one I have fought with and without medication for most of my life.  Someday I may have to fight cancer, or one of the million of other diseases I live in fear of – but right now anxiety is the disease I am called to fight.  The one that steals my hope; and makes me quickly forget the love God has for me.  “The world,” as Ben reminds me, “needs to know Your might!”

Let’s take a moment … to bring our fears, worries and illnesses to Christ … as we worship together with Ben Walther’s song:

• Honesty of who I really am – an anxious, fearful, God loving woman.
• The knowledge that LIFE is filled with unknowns but GOD is not one of them.
• A desire to share what God IS DOING in my life.  He is not distant!
• The realization that despite thinking I had to have it all figured out before I could come to God or bring his light and love to others could not have been further from the truth.  God wants me exactly where I am; and who I am – fears and all.
• My daily attempts (even when feeble) to love God with all of my mind, body and soul; and to love my neighbor as myself.
• A willingness to be reborn every day in the light of Christ; so that I may be that light to others!

A Light to the Nations inspired a deeper look at the following Scriptures.  I encourage you to click through the links; read the scripture and record how they inspire you to be a light to the nations (even if that nation is as small as your family or local community).  You can do so on your own or share in the comments section below.  PLEASE NOTE: I am giving you the links instead of the Scriptures in case your heart is moved by the spirit to delve deeper into the text around any of these verses:

• Matthew 22:36-40
• John 3:5-7
• Matthew 5:14-16 

Whether a torch or a matchstick, what the LORD has given me to share is mine to share.  There will always be battles in this world, my job is to lean on Him and allow his grace to strengthen me to conquer in those struggles.  It is in those very moments when we feel the weakest; that God can use us to bring his love and hope to others. His Grace is Sufficient! Instead of waiting for some miraculous moment when we’ve pulled it altogether (which btw will never happen this side of Heaven); God calls us to shine NOW — right where we are, and exactly as He created us to be.   The world truly needs to know His might and what better way to show that then in the messy joy of our every day ordinary lives!

Inspired by Scripture and moved by music let us go be … A Light to all Nations!

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​This is the first installment of the #MusicThatMoves faith sharing series.  I am so happy to kick things off with praise and worship singer/songwriter – Ben Walther; as well as the reflections of 6 fabulous blogger friends. My hope is you will reflect on the song and scriptures throughout your day and even throughout the week.  You can come back here, listen and reflect or better yet download Ben Walther’s music so you can have these songs always with you.
       
CHECK OUT MORE INSPIRING MUSIC, SCRIPTURE AND REFLECTIONS:

• ABLAZE – DEBBIE GAUDINO
• LOVE LIKE WATER – DEANNA BARTALINI
• WONDERS OF YOUR LOVE – STEPHANIE ENGELMAN
• TAKE ME – ELIZABETH REARDON
• MAKE YOUR HOME IN ME – MICHELLE GELINEAU

All Rights Reserved Allison Gingras, 2016
Images – Pixabay.com; BenWalterMusic.com 
Music – via Ben Walther YouTube channel and OCP music