Boy scowling in pew

A Strict Warning from the Lord

Comparison Steals Our Joy

Oh, the trouble with making comparisons.  

Assessing what I believe to be true about another and believe to be lacking in me. The battle in my heart with the desire to be who I was created to be, yet holding onto this never-ending fear I will never figure out who that is.  

There are days of clarity, times when I feel open to see where I am is where I am meant to be, and that I am accomplishing that which is meant just for me. Those usually follow days when I have been faithful to prayer, reading Scripture and participation in the Sacraments.  Other days, more than most days unfortunately, I amworried, anxious and even discouraged.

I look around the imagery circled up group of friends, acquaintances, and even strangers and think, wow, they are doing greater, smarter, and holier things than I am or will ever be able to do — and, of course, they all have more followers.

Ideas I have that I can’t make happen but others do – and instead of being happy that it is getting done, I feel sad it wasn’t me. Focusing on my perceived inadequacies instead of the plethora of blessings God has bestowed upon me.  One of my greatest sins, is failing to recognize and appreciate the beauty and strengths that is me.

My real shortcoming has nothing to do with what I do or don’t do, what I accomplish or don’t, it has to do with my heart.  A heart that hurts when others succeed because I don’t feel comfortable with myself.   I lack confidence in my ability to do what God has created and called me to do. 

If I don’t trust God’s plan or that this is who he has created me to be, no matter how much I accomplish professionally or personally, I’ll never feel at peace with me.

Boy scowling in pew with quote

Being Shaken Out of Spiritual Slumber

The above quote arrived in my email and woke me from my spiritual slumber.

What I have been experiencing in my thoughts. All those lies and insecurities, I have allowed to crowd my thoughts — pride,  double-mindedness, and clearly self-absorption.  Who is it I am looking to please, to impress – whose attention do I want?  What are my motives?

While I may say they are pure and for God’s glory – and my want to believe that – these inward insecurities say the opposite.  These insecurities and disappointments are telltale sign that adulation and recognition have become the reason and are shipwrecking my faith and feelings.  

Eating attempts to fill the emptiness these disordered motives have created.

Bringing all these emotions and thoughts to confession cleared my spiritual eyes and ears – God’s grace the fuel of picking up and starting again.  Grateful for the healing effect of the Sacrament of Reconciliation.  Given forgiveness — I rise again to seek first the Kingdom of God and HIS righteous (Matthew 6:33).  

Shaking the lies of the enemy, that I so easily eat up — I rise again prepared to SEEK to fill myself with the abundant GRACE God continues to make available to me and not with chips, ice cream, and whatever else is lurking in my kitchen.  Most importantly, this seeking of grace, which leads to peace and trust, protects my heart from the soul stealing sin of envy.

The sin of comparison often makes me feel so horrible about my body and that ironically can lead to me seeking comfort in food. Lord, I pray for the strength to seek YOU more often than I seek comfort in my cupboards.

Worth the Revisit

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