I eagerly awoke to see if my new App project,  Words with Jesus daily devotional, was finally available through Google Play.  [At that point] The iOs version has been out for a few days.  Sadly, the Android version [was] still not available, however, that is not the point of today’s blog – merely the catalyst.

On the promise from Google that when I logged in on the PlayStore, after waiting several days the glitch holding up the processing of my new App, would be fixed. Therefore, I logged in fully expecting all would be well.  It was not.  And…. I cried.

Deflated I dragged my discouraged exhausted body upstairs to my office, dropped to my knees and prayed!  There in the midst of my anxiety and doubt came the most amazing blessing – an insight and a grace – an answer to my prayer.  I sought to know how well I was doing trying to understand the Will of God in my life. My pain, associated with the delay and difficulty, stemmed primarily from wondering if I completely misunderstood God in pursuing the Words with Jesus App project.

[Hindsight Update: Four years later,  the App is no longer available on iOs nor did any of the subsequent apps in the series launch.  The developer failed to launch the second app and then stopped taking my calls or responding to emails. So it may be safe to say I probably did misinterpret the signs on this one!  The good news, my failure to follow the plan didn’t stop God from using the experience to teach me LOTS of good things. Such as, discerning the will of God is probably done best with the guidance of another, especially when that person has a background in say, business and finance. AKA my Spiritual Director is not only a Deacon but an Entrepreneur and COULD HAVE definitely saved me lots of money and disappointment, but I digress.]

Although I waited nearly a year to roll out the Words with Jesus Apps, nothing has come easy – finding a developer, fundraising, and now the launch have all come with delays and glitches.  As I sat staring at the ‘error’ message alerting me that I had once again been denied access to my Google merchant account, I wondered if the real ‘error’ message had come in my discerning God’s willin this plan from the start.

On my knees I began my morning’s prayer in the form of the Rosary.  As I began with the first Joyful Mystery, the Annunciation, I began to ponder Mary’s Fiat – her yes to God’s call to be the Mother of God.  There is no indication in the Scriptures that Mary, once ‘on-board’ – went back and forth in her head or heart wondering if she had gotten the wrong message. While I am not blessed to have an Angel clearly articulate the Will of God to me, I am graced with the gifts of the Holy Spirit. Through that special grace, that gift from God, I can discern through wisdom, knowledge, and understanding, whether the inspirations on my heart are of God or not.

Mary, clearly understood the plan correctly.  In our graced exchanges with God we must trust in the loving mercy and care of God, The Father.  Even if my response to what I believe are God’s inspirations are off by a mile, He will direct my path and bring good of my desire to please and serve Him.

The actual revelation that brought peace and restored hope came while continuing through the Joyful Mysteries.  As I reviewed the life of Mary, vividly illuminated was  the plans God has for us sometimes comes with trouble. This is true even for Mary, the Mother of God.

The very birth of her Son, Jesus, would be marked with so many pitfalls and trials it would have been easy to think this CAN NOT BE WHAT GOD WANTED!  So many of Mary’s joys intertwined with a sorrow — the birth of her Son, followed a harrowing flight into a foreign land – with a vast number of unknowns.  The presentation of Jesus to Simeon in the Temple brought validation of her Son’s saving work quickly followed by the prophecy of the piercing of her heart.  The joy of finding of the Child Jesus preceded by three days of anxious searching and worry.  Mary did not doubt because things were not unfolding as she perhaps anticipated. She trusted so fully in God’s love for her instead of being filled with fret and doubt, she pondered and accepted.  Surrender and obedience demonstrates great trust.

While launching an Android devotional App is in NO way on the same stratosphere as giving birth to the Son of God, seeing a correlation produced invaluable lessons.  Mary’s model of trust and hope centered on God’s love for her, is what I must cling to when I feel doubt, confusion, or fear seizing my heart.  Every day requires some moment of stepping out of the boat into the deep of the unknown and requires us to rely purely on grace of God.

Grace comes as an undeserved yet freely given gift from God that will enable us to hear from God in prayer.   Personally, I need to hear things at least 3 times in prayer before acting on them.  Trusting God through the eyes of Mary I recognize that sometimes that means going at the first nudge, aware of his promise to make good in all circumstances for those who love Him (Romans 8:28).  Empowered by this knowledge, I must not look back with “boy, did I miss that up” but like Mary, “do whatever He tells you,” with confidence trust.

All Rights Reserved, Allison Gingras 2017